CEO Today - December 2021 Edition

EXECUTIVE COACHING www.ceotodaymagazine.com 58 do this” and it builds from there. I love working with people on their growth edge (one step outside your comfort zone) - you can get them familiar with it and use it as an indicator that they’re moving in the right direction. They can then say: “I am successful because I ‘fail’ more times than other people will try.” In terms of communication and presenting, CEOs are “up in front” of people a lot - team meetings, company meetings, conferences, interviews. A lot of people put unnecessary pressure on themselves in these circumstances. Yes, prepare and be at your best. But hold onto a communication mindset vs. performance mindset. You’re there to convey ideas and information that others don’t have. Focus on that. Also, be aware of the spotlight effect. This is where you think everyone sees every little thing you do “wrong”. When, in fact, no one notices. Then, almost everyone will have moments of: “I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t belong here.” If this comes up, go mentor someone. This is a great way to give back and it also lets you see yourself through another set of eyes and remember all the things you do know and have to offer. Have you found that female leaders struggle more with their confidence when compared to their male counterparts? How would you explain this? That’s a great question. Yes, in general, women have to pay more attention to the optics. There are many times when women are judged on how they look, how they dress, how they sound, how they say things far more than men. I have female clients who are trying to navigate “good old boys clubs”. They are the first woman in a high-ranking role or the only woman in a cohort. Carrying those mantles can have added pressures Tell us a little bit about your story and how you managed to go from someone who was once nervous to talk in front of your colleagues to someone who now coaches CEOs on leading team meetings? Yes! I remember sitting in my first leadership team meeting like it was yesterday. I had just been promoted; I was by far the youngest at the table. I looked around and everyone seemed so professional and so accomplished. We’d go around the table and each leader would give a brief update on their functional area. I was so nervous when it was my turn I that whispered “no update” and looked down hoping people would stop staring at me. One of the recurring themes from your question before is confidence - and I’ve had personal experience with this one. It’s something I still work on, but after years of aggressive self-improvement, I’ve come a long way. It’s funny to think about that first meeting now because I work with CEOs on leading team meetings. And, in fact, some of them are quite nervous to lead their first ones! That’s amazing! So what are your key tips when it comes to improving one’s confidence? This is a broad topic and one of my favourites. I’ll give a few quick ideas. Overall, the best way to become more confident at something is to do it. If you wait to feel confident, you’ll be waiting forever. Act confidently first, the feeling of confidence will come second. Take action. If you don’t do something perfectly, that’s fine. Learn from it and go again. You’ve just made progress. Once you get that first toehold of progress, that’s when you realise: “Ah! I have evidence now. It’s working. Maybe I can along with just doing a very demanding job. I think the reason for this is twofold - men and women are socialised differently and there is a generational element. Overall, women and young girls are taught to be pleasing and to be peacemakers; men are generally taught to not show or talk about emotions and to be more direct. I was talking to a middle school teacher and she described the different ways boys and girls would go about resolving a conflict - she said a girl will be more likely to look at the power dynamics of the group and try to work it to her favour behind the scenes, whereas a boy is more likely to walk up and punch somebody. If you look at the traditional roles men and women held in society and the workforce in previous generations, it’s pretty one-sided. In fact, I was just re- watching the show Mad Men which is about the inner workings of a New York ad agency in the 1960s. One thing it highlights is how women were treated in the workplace. All the women were secretaries and reported to men. The way the women were treated is shocking. By today’s standards, some of the men are just walking, talking HR violations. I’d actually recommend watching a few episodes of that show - for both men and women - just for some eye-opening context. I do want to acknowledge the progress that has been made over the last several decades. We have more women CEOs and political leaders than ever before. There’s still a long way to go, but we’re moving in the right direction. Young women today will have role models to look up to and they can see that it’s possible for them to hold these types of roles. I worked for a gentleman who was in a President role reporting to a new female CEO. He brought his two daughters into the office and introduced them to the new CEO saying: “This is daddy’s new boss, Alison. Can you say hello?”