My take on it is that our personal universe works as a whole and all its elements are interconnected. We all function by applying similar patterns both in our personal life and in our professional one. That is why sometimes we respond in the same manner when interacting with a colleague from work, as we did with one of our siblings. The good news is that once we become aware of a pattern (or a fractal), even for the mere fact of observing it, the pattern is already changing. Establishing concrete rational steps of acting differently can totally break the pattern or at least significantly transform it. Of course, any such process takes constant practice to be sustainably effective. One recent example was that I got in a tense situation with a workmate. The conflict was rather simple - different needs, different expectations. But to me, there seemed to be more to it, as it was haunting me days after it happened. So, I decided to put it on the table during a coaching session with the aim of identifying the next actions on how to deal with it. Accompanied by a coach, who offered me a safe space to verbalise my intentions and the situation, in less than 20 minutes I realised that the situation itself was somewhat connected to things I had refused to accept related to my wife, or even my Mum. Once I nailed the cause and spotted the pattern, the haunting ceased instantly. This is just one example of my experience as a client. One example as a coach is with of a friend of mine who was experiencing a great level of anxiety because he had decided to quit his job and he was a bit hesitant on how to continue. We were having the session over the phone and he was in the car. At some point, he stopped the car as he felt the need to go out and get some air. That was the point when instinctively I asked the question: “So how does it feel, to be outside of the structure?” I meant outside of the car, but to an extent, I also hinted at being outside of the company that was offering a certain type of stability and structure. He immediately got my hint and reflected on how amazing it is to have so much freedom to choose from. The anxiety turned instantly into great excitement. One other example was a client who was experiencing difficulties with her middle teen daughter. She started the session being quite upset with her daughter and the struggles she had dealing with her. Amajor challenge was the fact that thedaughter seemedtohave a behaviour that was totally different to what Mum would expect. During the coaching session, I proposed to my client to make an analogy to a chess game. Thus, my client was able to make some connections and quickly realised that her daughter was as mysterious as the knight in a chess game. My client realised that although the knight moved in mysterious ways, she was still defeated by her son with the help of a knight. Hence, she learned that only because the daughter, similarly to the knight, behaved differently to her expectations, it still represented value. It was a very powerful “aha!” moment for my client who started having a different approach to communicating with her daughter henceforward. These are just a few examples of the kind of unlocking perspectives a coaching session can bring in all aspects of one’s life. If you have something that is bothering you, let us start the dialogue. The first session is on me anyway. You can find out more about Claudiu on www.multiplealternative.com We all function by applying similar patterns both in our personal life and in our professional one. That is why sometimes we respond in the same manner when interacting with a colleague from work, as we did with one of our siblings. “ “ 56 EXECUTIVE COACHING
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